my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
