Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
