I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
