i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She is in my trunk
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
