woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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