her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
