My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
jump out the window naked night went bad
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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