Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
