it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
