I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar