I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.