My first STD was from a foam party
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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