thanks...oh and i got my period
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
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between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.