Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.