i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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