I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's shark week go big or go home
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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