well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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