he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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