I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
