Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
there is puke in my bra ... again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize