also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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