Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
