I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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