your room smells of hookers.
And success
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
