His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
