she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
