Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
