Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
