Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
