Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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