You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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