someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Couch. On fire.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize