Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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