I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
