a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
