it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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