And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
