'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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