Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
