Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
