can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize