if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
