Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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