Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and you said cock pushups were impossible
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
