Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize