Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
