eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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