Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
