She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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