a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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