she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
