chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
