what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
