well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
