She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I enjoy the company of your penis
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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