Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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