Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
