So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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