let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
