just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
