I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
