Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
