yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
