I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
