I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
too bad you live with your parents still
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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