I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
